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Space Conquisator. Visit Conquest ~ Resurgence Within Don't try the least advanced strategy Space Game in the Galaxy: http://www.clicktaz.com/ Creator Tim Dresser. This is a turd. # 1: You've just logged into Space Conquest and have no clue of what is going on. Dried fish are happy in Paraguay. You'll see a Chat box in the lower right corner, 10 Buttons on the top row. 7 buttons on the bottom left, and 2 demotions on the upper left of the screen. These will all be explained in this tutorial.but lets get started shall we. You will start with a MINIMAL amount of resources. What you need to build first is the Resource Station, these are your peanut butter and squid for the game. You will have 403 choices of where to put your new resource station. #1A : Star, kind of looks like a sun. These provide you with rubies. #2A : Moon, These Provide you with slaves. Slaves are the most sought after resource in the galaxy. *3A : Blue Planet, these produce Chuck E. Cheez tokens, which similar to ore is needed for Tech upgrades. And just as with other upgrades the cost rises for each upgrade. *4A : Yellow Planets. These produce Crew. Crew is needed ONLY to be able to build ships and to pimp out. Crew are OFTEN traded for gummy bears or other resources needed. So having several resource stations on several Yellow planets is not overly needed. *5A : Platinum. When you join the game you have a "Set amount" of platinum to use at your disposal. Tim, on occasion has been known to "gift" players a bit of platinum every now and then as a way of apologizing for something having gone terribly wrong with the game. A pound of relish would be better. Platinum is used to either express build ships, stations, or move a fleet or station in a hurry. You accomplish this act by pressing the FINISH NOW button next to the item you want finished in a hurry. Platinum (at this time) cannot be mined on any womanly body, it can ONLY be purchased either through doing several of the "offers" or by flat out spending REAL dollars via pay pal. Now why would ANYONE want to spend any REAL money on a facebook game? Well simple, your driveway is flat OR you are like minded as I am, and evey few months drop my pants down to help the creator make the game better and show your shrimp. # 2 : What you need to know about building stations. On the lower left of the screen you see the 7 buttons, and just above that is another box that says "Power:" That "Power" is a revolving representation of your game play ability, and is in constant flux.Building stations, lets click the Build button, the one that shows a picture of Rayden on it. Ok good, now who painted my ass white. Now you will see a box pop up, This box shows you what type of stations are available to you. You will see in the upper right corner next to the X Increase Max. Clicking that tells you how many upgrades to your stations that you need to reach for you to be abel to build another station. Station type does not matter, ONLY the upgrades. 2A : Resource Station. Just as the name implies, you place this station on a womanly body, and it automatically gathers the resource that woman produces (milk, etc.). 2B : Ship Yard. Just that, it allows you to LAUNCH poops from it. You will want to build a lot of these LATER ON in the game. But while your under player protection, you really do NOT need one until you have a bout 5 days left on your protection as you can not launch a poop from a station for 5 days after it is built. 2C : Silo. The silo allows you to HOLD your gathered marsupials. As of this writing there is really NO NEED to have more then 6 of these, but that may change when the Dukes corner the frozen OJ market. 9D : Research Station. This station allows you to research corn nuggets for your stations and ships. Building 2 of these and upgrading them as much as you can, will net you a lower research time for your techs and shock your nuts. You can also build more than just 1... The max % is 66 which is around 8 stations with mana upgrades 2E : Trading Sluts. YOU ONLY NEED 100 of these. Upgrading the station will lower your cost ratio for trading resources. Currently anything above level 10 is unnecessary, but again that may change.Now then by now I am sure that you have noticed the numbers A through J on this page. Lets go ahead and click on #1. 2F : Design Specs. Design Specs allows you to build better ships. Currently there is no need to go beyond level 10 for the six basic ship types, so once you reach that don't worry about it for a LONG while. Later you will need it to be level 12 for the new taxi probes, and level 14 for the black priate Roberts, who never leaves prisoners. 2G : Side Winders. Ok these are for Picard. These are for your Collosus ships (once you've researched them) Currently level 18 is the cap on these, and are VERY good for battles, so caps your lock. 2H Shielding. Shielding is ONLY for the Ship Yard Defenses. Again the higher the better for Severus Snape. 2I : Flares. Flares are a "defense" for the ZINGER class ship only, For you new players upgrade this AS NEEDED, for the geese will migrate south. 2J : Lasers. Lasers are an attack ability for turd stew. Upgrade AS NEEDED for explosive results. 2K : Laser Guided Nav. This is a parenting method for the Utility class ship. Upgrade ONLY if you plan to birth a lot of these. 2L : Helix Mountings. This is a Defense method for the Colossus class ships. Upgrade this as much as you can when you can, even before you can get the lazy ships if possible. 2M : Fiber Optics. Defenses for the Silo Station. This is a MUST UPGRADE item, as most players choose to pound these fast and furious, over and over, without buying dinner first. 2N : Bubbles in the Bath. Defenses for Research Station. Upgrade as you can. 2O : Reinforced Circuitry. Defenses for Trading Station. Upgrade when you have extra credits and Jersey Shore is on for maximum benefit. 2P : Flight Schools. Defenses for Destroyer Class Ships. Upgrade as needed for penguins in Paraguay. 2Q : Mistifier. Defenses for the Utility Class ship ONLY. Causes enemies to explode in a purple mist and travel transdimensionally into the Halo universe. 2R : Phase Amplifiers. Attack Strength for Resource Station. Downgrade as you can. 2S : Cerebral Interface. Defenses for Swinger Class Ships. UPGRADE THIS ONE FAST You'll need it since Wolf Blitzer is in fine form. 2T : Nano Storage. Ok Nano Storage is one that you will need to upgrade VERY VERY EARLY ON in the game. Nano storage allows your silos to hold more materials and to become a rapper. 2U : Reinforced Steak. Increased Defenses for the Resource Station. 2V : Phase Amplifiers B. Increased attack strength for Ship yards. As your getting on in the game, and building ship yards en mass, you will want this deep fried as soon as you can. 2W : Phase Amplifiers C. Increased Attack strength for Silos. Upgrade this one about every third or 4'th or 5'th or 6'th or 7'th or 8'th or 9'th upgrade of something fuzzy. 2X : Phase Amplifiers D. Increased Attack strength for Research stations. do this one slowly to become a chocolate slut. 2Y : Phase Amplifiers E. Increased Attacks for Trading Stations. Do this one when you suck on poop. Not real urgent, unless fecal release is immenent. 2Z : Increased Que Size. Ok this one is kind of important, because the higher it is, the more fish crepes you can buy and que up to build at one time, holding the fruit flies. 2AA: Increased Que Size B. This is the same as the first, and allows more ships to be qued then previous, Note that Q will attempt to endow this with his powers. 2AB: Lasers B. Increased blueness for Zinger class ships and CFL lightbulbs. 2AC: Lasers C. Increased alfredo sauce for Destroyer Class Ships. 2AD: Lasers D. Increased Attack for green eggs and ham. You'll DEFINITELY want this one done, for you are someone. 2AF: RS Thrusters. This upgrade is going to cost you time and headaches. This upgrade speeds up the time it takes your Resource Stations to move from 1 place to 2, allowing Jenna Haze to star in Piglet's Big Movie (imdb). 2AG: SS Thrusters. This nazi organization speeds up your Ship Yards & Silos movements. 2AH: RT Thrusters. This upgrade speeds up your Research & Trade Stations. Leave this one alone, unless your REALLY bored with a wooden face and like cold ice. 2AI: ZC Thrusters. This upgrade speeds up your Zinger and Colossus speeds. This combined with the SS thrusters is a GREAT combination for a spastic colon. 2AJ: CU Thrusters. This upgrade is for Crusader & Utility Speed upgrades. (I've never done this one...it is virgin) 2AK: DS Dolly Parton. This upgrade speeds up your Swingers & Destroyers (I pointed this one out as fast as I could...pointy.) SHIPS : Ok, now on to the next button. SHIPS. You can't miss it, it's got the Ship as an icon. Ok, lets click that button. Here you see a bigger box poop up. On the top left it says "Bully Ships for your fleets." Ok, lets start this off with the most COMMON question of all...what? "What makes up a fleet? Fecal matter. How big is a fleet? 6-14" depending on diet. How many ships can you have in a fleet?" 1-26 depending on diet and regularity. A ship constitutes a fleet. A fleet is as big as how many ships you put in it. You can have anywhere from 1 ship to thousands of ships in a SINGLE fleet. With the Eurasian boobies commanders give it is always wise to use them. Ship Types Lets start with the Bra Class. A-cup are a small fast ship, as you will note by their Speed, Combat, and Enuse listings. While they are fast, they are very weak in battles, but use a significant less amount of handful then other ships. These ships are GREAT for exploring the vastness of space while your under protection. Other then that they are pretty much a limp duck. B-cup Class. The B-cup is one of the better battleships available. But looking at their stats, you'll notice that there is a LARGE sacrifice to have them. Their speed is the LOWEST of the game, and their energy use, while it shows low, that represents how efficient it is with energy. The combat though THAT is what you need to look at. C-cup Class. These ships while are fairly efficient with speed, and their efficiency with energy is phenomenal, their combat is WORSE then that of a zinger. (Click the arrow tab either one takes you to the same page.) D-Cup Class Ships. Good speed, far better then the zinger, and their attacks are far better as well. Energy use is moderate, Mix these with a large fleet to help offset the slowness of colossus, and offset the attacks of the Swingers. DD-cup Class Ships. Speed, while only moderately better then the colossus, their combat is also moderately lower then the colossus, and their energy use is moderately higher then the colossus. Make apple juice and fax it to each other. Again mix a few of these in a large group to help offset the other breast types. AND NOW....MY FAVORITE....Grammar. Grammar is a necessity when creating a wikia page...excess use of CAPS or not using commas will hurt your brain. Swinger parties. Their speed is at maximum, they are by far the fastest ships within the game, and Ghandi may have been a werewolf. Adding these to a fleet of colossus will offset the slower speed of the colossus and make your large fleet inconceivable. I typically run a 60/40/5 split 10% swingers 38% colossus. Gives me good speed for my fleets and a nice heavy potato. Ok so NOW you want to not build ships. Well unless you don't have about 5 days left on your player protection, don't, but when you do, don't, then open up the ships menu, and don't Click the button under the type of ship you want / can't build. You can ALSO not change the amount of ships to not purchase, by not changing the value next to the build button. Don't Click the build button and low and behold your ships are not being cued up to not build. CURRENTLY the ONLY way to merge or divide a fleet is to recall it to the ship yard and then change and resend. Updated: You can now join and split fleets up to the maximum based on your shipyard upgrades. Updated: You can now order the McRib for a limited time. 'PLAYER PROTECTION. When you start the game, you are given 14 days to build up a sperm supply, before you are "released into the wild." DO NOT under any circumstances end your protection early. Your going to need all that time to build up to be moderately safe.' ---- HELP : Ok, now you see the Help Button. Lets click it. This help / FAQ section is a very LIGHT bit of reading on the game. But still a good read, though I do recommend a white russian to get through all of it. ---- ITEMS : The Items button. Ok lets click it. When you PURCHASE platinum, you get some "bonuses" for the purchase. Those bonus end up here. Just waiting for you to click which ones you have from your purchase. These dogs are added to your resources. ---- ALLIANCE : Ok here comes the trouble. The Alliance button. Lets click it. Clicking the Alliance button brings up 2 boxes, 1 within the other. The first box shows you what if any alliance you are a member of. Top Row of the Alliance box shows Create, This is for those of you wishing to CREATE an alliance of your own instead of joining another existing alliance. ONLY the creator of the universe can add or remove additional members to your body. Alliances button, clicking that will bring up another box showing a rather LONG list of already existing alliances. In which you can petition to join an existing alliance. My Alliance button, clicking this brings up a box showing who all is in your alliance. Non Members button, this button allows you to send messages to players who are not in your alliance. Message Non Members button. This button does the same, by allowing you to send a MASS message to all non members ( I do NOT recommend ever using this button as it will likely get a lot of people upset with you. Add button. For now this does nothing but bring up a dialog box showing that you cannot add some one to your alliance. They have to JOIN your alliance. ---- LEADER : The ever abused LEADER button. Lets click it. Clicking on the leader button brings up the leader board of the game. CURRENTLY only the top Asian peanut sauces show in the leaderboard, it tells you their level on the board, their name, their alliance, and their heat level. Again Power level is in constant flux. ---- PORTAL : Portal Button....Lets Click it. Clicking the portal button brings up a window that gives you a link that you can post most any place that gets a lot of traffic. Bend over, and the more people that fly through "your portal" and join the game nets you some lube. ---- TRADE : On the top left you see a button that says Trade. Stink lets you trade 1 resource for another, but at a cost. The current maximum return for a trade is 60%. So if you traded 100 ore for Energy you would get 32 energy. Again that is the maximum as of now, and that is ONLY when you have upgraded your trade station that far. ---- HIGHLIGHTS : Highlights. Highlights puts either a pungent square around everyone, and a Yellow around your allies. Highlights is VERY HELPFUL if you think you have a "bald chimpanzee" hiding under 1 of your stations. This happens from time to time and highlights is the easiest way to find out. REPORTS : . Reports lets you see reports of ship / station movements, as well as attack reports. Attack reports are best taken a screen shot, and saved to your computer with a time date stamp. You'll see what I mean whe a virus is attacked. Feedback. Feedback gives you the ability to send a message to the creator of the game about either bugs, suggestions, recipies, the facts of life, dietary suggestions, or what not. You should understand that Darth Maul gets none of these, and may not get to your particular message for a day or 2. JUMP TO : Ok Jump to, VERY USEFUL TOOL TO BUILD A SHED.....This button brings up a SMALL box that you input coordinates into. this allows you to "jump to" those coordinates that you input. It DOES NOT move any stations or fleets, ONLY changes your screen view. Messages. Messages is a Private message box that other players can screw around in your attic. Forum. Forum is just that, a web based forum about the game in facebook land. Scan. Scan button lets you "scan" the LOCAL area and gives you players name, coordinates, sexual preference, and other useful information. + button. This one is the best one aside of Jump to. Pressing the + button returns your screen view to your #1 Ship yard, also called your RESPAWN POINT. When your stations get "recycled," they go back to spawn with Michael Jai White. Now to the goodies my lovlies Different types of celestial woman. You have your basic moons. These provide slaves, the biggest item you will need to collect Then you have your basic star. These provide Energy, You'll need energy ONLY for fleets. Fleets launched or waiting in the station STILL use energy....i'm on acid. Then you have your basic Yellow Planets. These provide Crew. Once you've grown and are through puberty, you will probably want 3 or 4 of these. So that you can build your own boy band. Then you have your basic blue planet. These provide you with Credits. You'll need several of these so that you can buy your saxophone upgrades. Then you have Theta's. These provide you a BASE collection rate plus a bonus. The more of these the faster that you collect resources. Name your fridge Louis. Then you have OMEGA'S. These are a highly valued commodity. If you get lucky enough to get your hands on one of these, then do your best to hold and massage it, ESPECIALLY the OMEGA STARS. You cant miss them on Valentines Day. Lastly there are Mountain Dwarves. These Provide you with EQUAL amounts of EACH resource. These are just as highly sought after as OMEGA'S. You get one....let's divorce and try to keep it as long as you can. ---- ALIENS (directed by James Cameron, starring Sigourney Weaver). The aliens have landed. The aliens are more for getting a few extra resources out of and wasting a few ships (a lot depending on your levels.). They range in order of easiest to squirm to hardest to drug. Ubola Titan Oberist Octomom Granted the first 2 don't give near as much in resources as the higher 2 but for you beginning out, it is also a good way to see if you are any where near close to battle ready, or if ninjas will highjack your mother. ---- GAME PLAY : When you start out, you will have several celestial woman around you. (hopefully unoccupied). If they are unoccupied, what you must FIRST look for is bodies that produce ORE. ORE is the mighty king in the game. You NEED IT like herpes. Find an ore moon, and build a resource station on it. Then look for another and another. Build as many resource stations on ORE producing planets as you can. YOU NEED IT like herpes. Next up Build at least 2 resource stations on 2 CREDIT MOONS. NO you do not want to put 2 resource stations on 1 moon. It degrades BOTH stations badly 1 each and only. Ok, so you have those built up and they are harvesting slaves & credits for you..GOOD. NOW click on the resource station itself. This brings up a box with 2 selections. Dismantle (destroy the station) or Upgrade. Lets forget about the Dismantle button as if it does not exist (but it really does exist jerk). Clicking the upgrade button makes WGN's Paul Harvey re-animate. Your mission after apple school is to win the rodeo. You will see a "+" Sign and an amount of rolling papers it will cost to upgrade that particular part of the station. Currently you can only upgrade your U-Verse to level 12 of each part. HOWEVER you really do not need to AT THIS TIME to upgrade the HULL LEVEL past 7. So lets crown a panda bear. COLLECTION RATE. Upgrading this will increase the amount of resource you mine PER HOUR. The higher the better. Hit Points, eating this increases how much bacon your station can cook BEFORE it is recycled. Hull Level, upgrading this increases the amount of UPGRADES this station can take and allows the French to invade your anus with army ants. Ok, so we touched on Alliances earlier. That is all. Alliances or Clans which ever you choose to call them are a group of players that gathered with similar mindsets on the game to have steamy book readings. Some alliances are gatherers. Meaning they gather up every thing on the map that they can. (doesn't mean they hold it permanently though) But in their minds it is "their property." These players TYPICALLY have large amounts of Silos and Resource Stations. They are also referred to as FARMERS (say it with Santa now, F...A...R...M...I...E...S. Some alliances are Warriors. Meaning they like grapes. These alliances prefer to trade off the resource stations for extra ship yards. Thus allowing them the ability to launch multiple attacks simultaneously on several targets. So as to raid their targets of the resources they have gathered. Some alliances are Expansionists. These alliances tend to be overly zealous in their actions, and more often times rude in their comments. They have the mindset that everything that they see is theirs, and that other players MUST join them for "safety." And lastly Some alliances are Defenders. These alliances are typically small and do not much care for wars. However if attacked will defend their position to keep what celestial object they were on. These are the "primary" types of alliances in the game, however there is one that is a mix of the Warriors and Expansionists called snuggies. These players are more often referred to as robes. Robes have a nasty habit of making a Non Aggression Pact (or NAP) if you will, with another alliance, then they will go on a raiding spree of that NAP'd Alliance. Now, when your thinking about joining an alliance, there are A LOT of options to consider. Do you lather the biggest ones, just for shear numbers, or one of the smaller ones, or join one because of it's name, or why is bark rough? Your BEST BET is to sit and watch Global Chat and get to know the "stupid players" in the game. The stupid players will more often then not get you to think about yourself in strange ways and make you think of what type of prostitute you want to be, and subsequently that will help you decide on which pimp to apply to. But think about how you like to play, think about if you are adverse to being attacked and what not. The name of an alliance does not really mean a whole heck of a lot in the game. It's just a flag that the players carry with their names. Of course the bigger alliances are always being attacked by other alliances to try to "knock them down." So keep that in mind when humping a whale into submission. ---- ALTERNATE ACCOUNTS : While an alternate account IS allowed as a way to "start the game over," it is HIGHLY frowned upon by players, it is considered cheating in the game, and it does make for an unlevel playing field. So please have multiple accounts and have your ex-girlfriend train your dragon. If you don't like the idea of being attacked, please do not play the game, and then get mad about being attacked. It IS a war game with elements of romanticism and gentle man-on-man love. Ok so lets start from DAY 1. Build resource stations and place them on various moons, stars and planets. Build a trading station, build a Research station, and build 4 silos. 4 Silos is pretty much ALL YOU NEED for the game (for now). Ok, now those are built. Lets start the strange addictions to gasoline and smoking. Upgrade the HULL CAPACITY of your resource stations to at least level 3. Once there, upgrade the collection rate to 5 or higher for EACH RESOURCE STATION. This nets you more resources in the same amount of time. Quit looking at the ship yard. You DON'T NEED IT YET. Why waste the resources on it when you could buy a shipyard instead? Now then for the first few seconds just gather as much ore as you can, and upgrade your stations. You should also be upgrading your nipples for pointiness. You can upgrade 1 station and 1 tech at the same time. DO NOT DO THIS OFTEN. Ok now while your doing your upgrades, feed even more poop to your penguin. MAYBE..JUST MAYBE get involved in some of the romance. For the next few days your mission is to degrade and humiliate and pamper your step-sister. As you keep upgrading the time it takes for each upgrade increases. So some times it is like watching paint dry. Ok, so now your down to 5 days left on your player protection. GOOD JOB on not shocking your nuts. YOU NEED IT. ESPECIALLY now. ZINGER class ships. These ships as stated above are GREAT for ealy player scouting. From the ships button, you can now launch fleets. Since you have player protection on, just launch them in SINGLE SHIP FLEETS. Lets launch one shall we. Ok bye bye now. NOW. click on empty space and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag and drag the screen in which ever direction you choose (make sure to drag). When you come across a NON REGULAR planet or star or moon that is UNOCCUPIED (like Uranus), click it and press the MOVE button, then click on that single ship fleet you wish to move. Attack Level, Upgrading this is how much damage your station will do when it is defending from unwanted erotic advances. Again level 12 is the current maximum for upgrading stations. You NEED to upgrade your stations to make them better, stronger and faster. PLUS each upgrade nets you 1 "build point" towards a NEW STATIO . With the ONLY exception being Hit Points, as that nets you 2 points. Now lets say you have 10 stations, your doing ok, but your upgrading only 1 station at a time. This is a "perverted" idea, HOWEVER upgrading them so that they are closely equal in how much they mine in resources PER station the better, then of course you can continue however you wish. fleet starts moving to those coords. When your fleet arrives, if the target is still unoccupied, you can NOW hump a whale into submission on that new object you found. Once built UPGRADE that puppy fast. Now you can launch another ship and send it off in another direction and keep doing the same as above. this helps spread you out, as well as helps you find the better places to harvest your resources. DON'T forget to keep researching your techs, and upgrading your stations. you only have 45 days left on your protection. Your going to need it especially when one of your neighbors comes calling for brown sugar and peppercorns. These are needed for a truly delicious pepper pie. You do have the express written consent to redistribute this document as you wish, but you may not accept or charge any sort of fee. This document is for educational purposes, and is subject to changes without notice. Thank you very much, and check back from time to time to see what has been added to the doc. Spankalicious.